Well today is the day, the day most mothers look forward to, the day where their baby gets to come home.. The difference in this situation is my baby is coming home in an urn, not in a car seat. I'll never get to hear her cry, see her smile, watch her as she takes her first steps, hear her say Mommy. I won't get to sign her up for dance, or soccer, or whatever it would have been that she wanted to do.... I'll never get to see her graduate, watch her walk down the aisle. Yes, she got to skip all the BS of this world and go straight up to Heaven to be with Jesus, but right now that doesn't make it any easier on me.
I've had a very shitty last few days, surrounded by stupid, thoughtless, inconsiderate people..... Gotta love having to call the ultrasound doctor because you got that reminder call about coming in to check on your baby girl...... and then having to explain to the stupid receptionist as to why I was canceling.....Only to have her say how sorry she was (understandable) and then preceded to tell me not to give up, and to try again..... Like my Savannah didn't matter. As badly as I wanted to tell her to F off (unfortunately with the grieving process, I've picked up swearing.... Not around my kids) I just hung up.
Then the lovely person who texted me to ask how my day was going, knowing full well what has happened, nevermind the fact that this person is expecting a baby this spring too..... and wanted to meet up with me. Yes, because that's what I want to be around right now, someone who wasn't a great friend to begin with, and have the pregnant belly staring me right in the face.
Needless to say, I am dealing with some serious anger. My true friends, they know who they are, aren't in danger of my swearing wrath....Even those people who I don't talk to much who reach out and are honest, and tell me they really don't know what to say. I don't get angry at that..... There are no right words to say to a woman who has just lost a child...... but there are things you want to steer clear of.
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